• 5 Minute Workout: Protecting the Enterprise End-Point
• IT Exam: Identity and Access Management
• TechQuiz: Vulnerability Management
• Compare IT: Internet Service
• NWC Project: EAI Solutions

The Netbotz environmental monitoring in the lab began to send me email yesterday afternoon, telling me that the lab was up to about 95 degrees. Oh, boy. I was busy, so I called Lori who when down there and shut most of the lab down. I should have had her check the air conditioning condenser, because I started getting emails again around eight oclock. I ran down to the lab at about 11:30 at night. The air conditioner was dead as a doornail. I got our HVAC vendor, J&D down to take a look at it, but the unit had blown a breaker. Turns out the breaker was in a locked room in our building I don't have access too. After about an hour of calling, Joyce from KOS Realty came by and unlocked it for us.

Turns out the cottonwood had completely clogged the air conditioner, causing it to overload and blow the breaker. Joyce had to run to one of their apartment complexes and get us a 100ft hose to hook up to the nearest spigot. Jim from J&D then cleaned and serviced the unit. By morning the lab was back to about 72 degrees and still dropping. It was three in the morning before I got home. Gah.

I will update you guys if there is anymore facilities fun to be had. Take care.

• All of the problems assigned have the same resolution in the notes: ID-10T (User was an idiot) or PBCAK (Problem between Chair and Keyboard). -- Bill Hellar
• I found "ANY KEY" cut outs glued on all the computer keyboards 'ENTER' keys outside the MIS Dept. -- Tony McBroom
• Our Arcnet network has been mysteriously resurrected. -- Jason Hicks
• He keeps asking you if your sweater is y2k compliant. -- Matthew Nappi
• She keeps a copy of the End-User License Agreement in her Day-Timer, and quotes from it any time you do anything which could even remotely be construed as a violation. Moreover, she records every one of these conversations in a little black notebook, to be used as evidence when Bill requests it. -- Dave Baldwin
• Walks around saying "Dude, you're getting a Dell!" while interning at HP. -- Bruce Shellenbaum
• Mistakes the vibrating sound of the beeper he forgot in his desk for a bad hard drive and reformats his PC. -- Andrew Blumhardt
• Summer intern makes two photo copies of everything, files original, shreds one copy, and stuffs the other copy into interoffice mail, addressed to himself. -- Tom Przybylski
• Summer intern insists on being called "Mr. Sneed," even though her name is Laura. -- Tom Przybylski
• Summer intern takes time off from interning with you in order to go on The Late Show with David Letterman for her big break: A two-minute "Is This Anything?" segment. David and Paul decide it isn't. -- Tom Przybylski
• Summer Intern adamantly refuses to remove tinfoil lining from his Chicago Cubs baseball cap. -- Tom Przybylski
• After viewing the movie Matrix Reloaded, intern insists on attempting to reboot company's servers by sticking a 10-base-T cable into a socket at the back of his neck. Intern says that the servers "like it better" that way. -- Tom Przybylski
• Worker refused to be in work area because the last three digits of the scanner's serial number were 666. -- Michael Rocus
• Keeps sacrificing the company's goldfishes to the mighty Windows NT server god. -- Stefano Papayannis
• His desktop wallpaper is a picture of Steve Jobs face pasted over Jennifer Lopez's body. -- Stefano Papayannis
• His pen pal is the viagra spammer stefano papayannis
• He's still waiting for Bill Gates to send him the money he's giving away in those chain emails. -- Stefano Papayannis
• When somebody calls him for tech support says he can't do anything about it since The Matrix controls all computers. -- Stefano Papayannis
• Uses an abacus to backup files "in case the whole system crashes". -- Stefano Papayannis
• Every time he surfs the Internet sends a royalty check to Al Gore. -- Stefano Papayannis
• Last orange alert he sealed our server room with duct tape. -- Stefano Papayannis
• We haven't seen him since he went on a sales call trying to solve the traveling salesman paradox. -- Stefano Papayannis
• After spending most of a full summer with a bright, articulate, charming but particularly contrary intern, you come to understand they have been trying to do their best to work with challenging "objections" rather than objectives. Where did communication go bad? -- Raymond V. Hall
• When asked about an ATM network, he brings out his debit card and states "I know all about them !" -- Vincent M. Locurcio Jr
• Wears an ID tag saying simply "Minion". -- Rich Pilcher
• Uses Visio to plot which circle of hell they're working in. -- Rich Pilcher
• Responds to every piece of junk e-mail he receives, believing even spammers need love. -- Rich Pilcher
• Demands to be paid in old trade show swag - thinking the Novell 3.1 Intro T-Shirt will garner instant street cred. -- Rich Pilcher
• Has a bit of a crush on the MSN butterfly guy. -- Rich Pilcher
• Spends hours trying to get to the end of recursive "GNU's Not Unix!". Rich Pilcher
• You made the mistake of telling him to run the patch cord from the computer to the data port, instead of telling him to plug the patch into the computer to the data port. -- Robert Foster
• He actually thinks he has to work. -- Ted Haddox
• He moves his mp3 collection onto the corporate ftp server. -- Ted Haddox
• Everything starts magically working. -- Ted Haddox
• "When I said to burn me a copy, I didn't mean to set it on fire, I just wanted you to take it to the copier and make a copy." -- Sherwood A. Van Dyke
• Recommends using MS products for everything. -- James Smallwood
• Says their 7 year old daughter keeps hacking the system so thatís why he is behind on updating the database...actually was said!?! -- Michael
• Replaces company website text with repeated copies of "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy; All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy..." -- Dave Skalon
• Brings a "blue dress" to work everyday. Asks for "Mr. Clintonís office". -- Marvin Duran
• Walks around the office saying "call me Monica", to all white haired executives. -- Marvin Duran
• You find your vintage Pets.com sock puppet boiling in a microwave-safe dish in the break room. -- Tim Barrett
• All the keyboards have been switched to DVORAK to encourage "thinking out of the box". -- Tim Barrett
• You find toothpicks snapped off in the locks of the server cabinets. -- Tim Barrett
• The intern is wearing a wig of dreadlocks that used to be the CAT5 cable in the sales department. -- Tim Barrett
• Intern is hanging out by the water cooler wearing a "My parents went to Mainland China, and all I got was this lousy case of SARS" T-shirt. -- Tim Barrett
• Explains eating a bran muffin every morning as "defragging the colon" -- Rich Pilcher
• Your cusTomers call to thank you for ditching the corporate website and hosting an Unreal Tournament 2003 server instead. -- Tim Barrett
• His favorite food is a diet drink and a candy bar. -- Bob Ledford
• Puts mouse on floor, attempts to use it as a foot switch. Calls Help Desk to ask where the "Any" is located on the keyboard. Leaves Help Desk voicemail that "PC is broke and needs repair" but gives no hint of the problem. -- Walt West
• Thinks everyday is a holiday and working for pay is wonderful if you don't have to do anything for it like real work. -- Bob Ledford
• They keep showing their FOID card to everyone on their first day of work. -- Richard LaPenes
• Looks at the server room, asks "where are the Macs?" -- Mark Jass
• Keeps asking why the C programmers act so normal. -- Mark Jass
• Still a ee/cs major looking for good job with startup and expecting a hiring bonus -- Rodger Woock
• He wears green antennae and introduces himself by saying "I am a Martian from the planet zorrrg" -- Ryan Moore
• Recommends that you outsource your 10,000 mailbox e-mail system to AOL, complete with a cost analysis report. -- John Wiley
• Continually whispers "When your this big, they call you Mister!" while polishing their workspace. -- Matt Winegarden
Sends out an e-mail to all co-workers (and management) inviting them to attend a Rites of Summer Solstice Celebration. -- Carol Hammond Keeps barking commands at his computer. Only problem there is no voice recognition software on it and it's doubtful it would recognize "Get Coffee" as a command. -- Mike Donahue
• He draws a small lightning bolt on his head, wears a cape and has regular conversations with someone named 'Dobbie'. -- Rob Mullin
• Rants regularly about fluoridation of water. Rob Mullin
• Brings in one of those really old large white cell phones and has long technical conversations with someone named 'Bill'. -- Rob Mullin
• Frequently stops mid conversation to remind you how much they like kittens. -- Rob Mullin
• Refers to your project group as the 'away team'. -- Rob Mullin
• Has that ?1000 yard? intern stare. -- Rob Mullin
• Has heated lunchroom arguments with himself about whether to use a fork or spoon when eating his chunky soup. -- Rob Mullin
• He paints his fingernails different colors on each hand (emphasis on 'He')!. -- Bill Stevens
• You find him in the data center after-hours jumping up and down with nothing on but his bikini underwear, playing dance music on the server cdrom and screaming, "Back the truck up, babay!". -- Lance Johnson
• She comes in each morning with a new piece of jewelry, computer / network jewelry. Today it is the mini-belt made of twisted punch cable. -- Ron Poulson
• He stares at you intently from his cubicle, rubbing his hands together and whispering,î Soon...soon..." -- Sean Maggard (Edelman PR)
• Continuously talks about Star Trek, and how it would be neat if the computers here could do the same things as the USS Enterprise. Occasionally, you might find this employee at his or her desk saying, "Computer, give me last months reports..." -- Andrew Peeples
• Enters into the cold_as_North_Pole air conditioned server room in shorts, goes to the hot_as_heck outside in a coat. -- Harry Ruiz
• He actually wants my job! -- Ken Leyba
• Claims to have a first edition copy of "Microsoft Bob for Dummies" signed by Bill Gates. -- Daniel E. Stafne
• Still believes Alan Greenspan is infallible. -- Daniel E. Stafne

Subject: Dimensional warp generator Needed ocoszluw

Greetings,

We need a vendor who can offer immediate supply.
I'm offering $5,000 US dollars just for referring a vender which is
(Actually RELIABLE in providing the below equipment) Contact details
of vendor required, including name and phone #. If they turn out to be
reliable in supplying the below equipment I'll immediately pay you
$5,000. We prefer to work with vendor in the Boston/New York area.

1. The mind warper generation 4 Dimensional Warp Generator # 52 4350a
series wrist watch with z60 or better memory adapter. If in stock the
AMD Dimensional Warp Generator module containing the GRC79 induction
motor, two I80200 warp stabilizers, 256GB of SRAM, and two Analog
Devices isolinear modules, This unit also has a menu driven GUI
accessible on the front panel XID display. All in 1 units would be
great if reliable models are available

2. The special 23200 or Acme 5X24 series time transducing capacitor
with built in temporal displacement. Needed with complete
jumper/auxiliary system

3. A reliable crystal Ionizor with unlimited memory backup.

If your vendor turns out to be reliable, I owe you $5,000.

Email his details to me at: [name withheld]

Please do not reply directly back to this email as it will
only be bounced back to you.

beamtguosnuxzvdwrvf
hwbxefqnciikgboxeqjkf

• Buyer's Guide: IP PBXes
• New site launch: Storage Pipeline
• Network Computing Survey: Network Intrusion Prevention
• Call for Submissions: Top 11 real reasons Larry Ellison wants PeopleSoft
• Compare IT: Network Management

Microsoft's termination of Internet Explorer (IE) as a standalone application has absolutely no effect on cross-platform developers or Web standards. Cross-platform developers (are there even any out there any more?) should write to current Web standards as detailed by the W3C, not to Microsoft's tools or documentation, as both are likely to be just on the edge of compliance with the specifications and definitely not cross-platform.

IE is built on components shared throughout the Windows OS. The preview pane in Outlook is itself an HTML viewer component; the help system is an HTML viewer component; etc. This decision is nothing more than an affirmation by Microsoft that it has completely tied IE to the OS as well as proof positive that the ruling and subsequent demands by the Department of Justice have no teeth if you have the money to line the pockets of lobbyists and SIGs.

Will the decision affect Windows users who desire to run some other browser? It depends on whether Microsoft removes a user's ability to designate other applications as file handlers for mime-types typically handled by IE. In my opinion, this is just another check mark on my "reasons I don't run Microsoft software" list.

-- Lori MacVittie

In any event, this issue's edition Top 11 in "The Last Mile" was "Top 11 signs you're spending too much time on Google." As always, we got deluged with entries -- and as usual we're, ahem...proud to present the overflow here in the blog.

So here we go.

• When you are making a ghost image, you set google to be the default startpage. -- David Silvernail
• You saw your whole life flash in front of your eyes when Google did not respond for about 30 seconds. -- Augustin Edmond Paar
• You have to use Google to find direections to your job, because you had too many beers last night searching for Porno sites. -- John H. Guillory
• Your mom asks you who your going to take to the Social, and you type in "My Date" in Google, hoping to find one. -- John H. Guillory
• The boss fired you three years ago, but you still go into the office each day faithfully to use their computers to search for your paycheck by typing "Paycheck for" followed by your name. -- John H. Guillory
• You paid a company $400.00 to have your e-mail address listed as #1 on google's results. -- John H. Guillory
• You have Google's logo stamped on your forhead from when you passed out on the monitor looking for sadam hussain and Ben Laiden last night. -- John H. Guillory
• You named your first three sons Google, Google 2nd, Google 3rd. -- John H. Guillory
• You named your daughter "Gaggle". -- John H. Guillory
• You used Google to search for an auction site that would let you auction off your wife to the highest bidder with no reserve! -- John H. Guillory
• You attempt to sell Google on e-bay, thinking you use it enough to own it. -- John H. Guillory
• You can accurately guess the number of results of your search the nanosecond before it displays. -- Mark Jass
• It's always the top entry in your internet EXPLODER history! -- Joe
• You load the Google IE toolbar on all your PCs and Windows servers 'just in case'. -- Brian Lee
• you no longer go to "google.com" to do a search, but type a properly formatted url string directly. -- Mark Erickson
• you've got a drag and drop bookmark set up for easy searching on any term on a page. -- Mark Erickson
• You actually feel lucky when you hit the "I Feel Lucky" button. -- Brad Shimmin

Here are the players.

• Daisy - Linux
• Roscoe P. Coltrane - SCO
• Boss Hogg - Microsoft
• Bo - Free Software Foundation
• Luke - Open Source Initiative
• Cooter - Bruce Perens
• Uncle Jesse - Novell

And here's a sampling of some of the features new on the site.

• TechQuiz: Server Management
• NWC Project: Network-Based Intrusion Prevention Systems
• Compare IT: Web Hosting Services

Yesterday I was afflicted with some strange malady affecting my back, so I am forced (forced, I tell you!) to lay comfortably on the couch while everyone else is out fishing or at the park enjoying the sunny afternoon.

So I redesigned nwc inc.'s site. While doing so, I changed a few things that some of you mentioned you didn't like about the site, and hopefully it's a bit more interesting and not so dull.